I was in deep thought about myself in class today

I was trying to change myself to be a better person but it looks like I did the complete opposite. I lost all my confidence in myself. I lost the will to be independent. I lost my strong nature. I became weak to the point where I’m no longer independent and I started leaning on people more and more. I’m incredibly emotional and I can’t save myself for shit but I’m trying to get back to how I was. I’m trying to improve myself for the better. I never had this problem before with myself, I usually am able to be just myself but for some reason it’s happening now. I’m so tired though of constantly watching my every move, making sure that it pleases people. I feel like I’m disintegrating into a piece of shit

I just want to refer back to how I was before without all of this bullcrap.